YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK PAGAN IF...

If your ceremonial chalice says "Budweiser" on it ... ...You may be a redneck Pagan.

If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb... ...You may be a redneck Pagan.

If your circle dance includes the words "dosey-do",Or if your altar pentacle is a photo of John Wayne's star on the Hollywood "Walk Of Fame"...You may be a redneck Pagan.

Now if your coven chose it's High Priest at a belching contest, Or if they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night...You may be a redneck Pagan.

If your anointing oil smells like "Old Spice"...And if you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg...You may be a redneck Pagan.

If your Goddess picture says "Miss September" at the bottom, Or your God statue looks a little too much like Elvis Presley...You may be a redneck Pagan.

If you have ever written a spell on the back of a Denny's menu... Or if you have ever cancelled a coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling on TV...You may be a redneck Pagan.

If your children and your dog have the same magical name (Skeeter! Get on over here and cast this circle!)...You may be a redneck Pagan.

If your cakes and ale consist of moonpies and a cold "Bud"... Or if your coven sword says "Power Rangers" on it...You may be a redneck Pagan!

If your divination kit consists of a picture of Dionne Warwick and a 1-900 number...
Or if your idea of a pilgrimage to a sacred circle is going to the Indy 500.... You're probably a redneck Pagan!

Now if your ceremonial head-dress has a bill and says "Chevrolet" on it, Or if your Sabbat Queen's head-dress is made out of those little nylon flowers the veterans hand out in front of the supermarket... You're probably a redneck Pagan.


Now, if your covenstead says "Winnebago" on the side, you're NOT necessarily a redneck Pagan, but if your covenstead's up on blocks, well then...You may be a redneck Pagan.

Now if your Goddess visualizations look too much like Pamela Anderson..... Or if your initiatory ordeal consisted of being blindfolded with a confederate flag and leg-wrestling...You may be a redneck Pagan.

If your idea of a Pagan festival consists of a tailgate party and tickets to the Superbowl...Or if your ceremonial chants are by Garth Brooks... You're probably a redneck Pagan!

If your coven's guided meditations start out with a burger at "Hooter's", or if you think a "Gerald Gardner" is farm equipment...You are definitely a redneck Pagan!